Snap Change

Sometimes the world can change so completely – from a leisurely, half asleep day where I’m thinking about thinking about work work work – and then a single line of text,  opening up an abandoned line of opportunity, and suddenly you’re in adrenal overdrive – suddenly every second is precious, the mind whirling to find a new path to completion.

It’s like the whole world comes back into focus.

I’m probably a bit of an adrenaline junkie,  I have to admit.

Darkness and Light

AngrySadAloneFrustratedUnproductiveLostDespair…The problem with giddy overhappiness is inevitable fall afterwards.  Is it to be always that I shall see happiness but ultimately it is only to remind me of where I truly am…

Probably means I’ve had too much caffeine and sugar lately, and burnt out all my adrenaline. Ran out of the good brain drugs so currently in withdrawal,  systems likely back to normal tomorrow.

Well, whatever normal turns out to be. Fighting the unlimited darkness may be tiring work, and I might have dropped gasping at the impossibility of the task. But really,  let’s not kid ourselves – I’m only willing to be the universe’s toy for so long. A moment of weakness, a slip, a crack in the mask.  I am not so humble as to think I cannot reshape the world to my whim again.

For Whom is This Dance

I like to think that I dance to share the incredible joy that I feel in the music – the smiles,  the enthusiasm, the hilarity, the comfort.  Dancing like a gentle hug,  a hearty pat on the back, goofy faces,  spinning with happiness.  I dance to get to know people better, to see a little of their reaction to the happy music of swing.

Sometimes I dance with a purpose – reaching out to someone new,  including someone shy – because of course I have been there and done that – wanting a dance and not seeing one – myself – likely that very night. Sometimes it makes me feel almost noble, thinking of others before my self.

But I also dance for myself – sometimes, I dance for my happiness.  I dance to forget my troubles,  I dance to appease my prideful, jealous, greedy, covetous nature. It feels a bit of a slippery slope to acknowledge that sometimes,  I have wishes that I want to grant myself.  Sometimes I will ignore and deny it,  since it will be staring me so ugly in the face. Sometimes I feel like I deserve it – for being obedient,  what the world owes me.

And sometimes I don’t do the dances I wish,  and sometimes the regret is palpable. I hope I learn the balance…

Lindy Providence

Things sometimes just work out, defying expectation and planning.

I knew the band would play swing.  They even warned that they’d be playing more uptempo music to energize a more electronica crowd.

Seeing no familiar dancers available, I’m not expecting anything.  Out of the blue, I’m asked to dance.  It takes all of one little swingout in the available space to realise that I’ve totally misread the situation. I need to find more space because I need to swing her out again, for real!

Lindy Crushing

Ah…part of the incredible emotional high associated with concentrated happiness is that it does an entire number on your emotional intelligence – or perhaps more accurately, it completely destroys it temporarily.  Dangerously like the honeymoon period of a new love,  it’s probably important to not let such things get to one’s head.

So says me as I am trying to renormalise some excessive emotion – ah ye good olde lindy crush – hard crashing love borne out of many dances in a short period of time in the middle of the emotional high of a dance weekend.  Probably good that I’ve gotten a bit of a breather – chance to put things back in the box so I can act normally. And stop daydreaming. Yup,  daydreams are a bad sign. Do try for some decorum, old chap. Yipes, talking to myself.  Also bad.

I imagine this will all shake out and I’ll be back to normal again soon. Hopefully writing things down like that will make them more likely to be true. Because, of course, part of me is really not interested at all in things going back to normal. Le Sigh. Back to work, methinks.

Music Appreciation and Dancing

Coming down from a high – undoubtedly combining sleep deprivation with joyful,  wild abandon … slowly coming down,  although I’m having trouble convincing myself to do actual sleeping to fix the sleep debt.

I knew this already, but nothing beats the joys of dancing to live music.  Even if the life of  a musician is tough, I sure am glad there are some willing to tough it out and keep the tradition alive.  And by alive, I mean “those kids are super young to be playing such hot vintage music”.

I am a little upset that dancers get a little shafted in terms of music appreciation (well, probably just taking things unnecessarily personally) – but it is understandable,  sometimes I do understand that we may not appear to be the most appreciative of audiences – we’re about as far away from “sit down and listen” as you can get.  But I think there’s a place for music that drives you to dance until you’re breathless, and that as an audience we’re no different from the sitdown types – there will always be the whole range of audience members, from those who follow and recognise minutiae,  to those who are “just here to enjoy it”,  those who don’t understand it at all.

After all, I was just in a restaurant with a big band…and I wasn’t sure how I felt about the jazz.   How is tasting the notes by sitting and listening any different than taking that and living it with your body? How is it better – I remember thinking about the music,  tasting it with my ears…but it feels a little hollow compared to actually getting up and taking the music for a spin. Dancing lets you hear and react to the music, both alone and through your partner – there are definitely times I react to the music in surprise and delight.  Particularly the element of interacting with your partner – even without speaking, you have the reactions and responses of another person – sometimes agreeing, sometimes showing you an awesome little bit you missed, and sometimes you build off each other and discover a part of the music that you’d have never found alone. Of course,  that makes the experience doubly weird when I’m by myself…but then, I often just ask myself the simple question – does this make me want to swing out.  Then again, maybe it’s better to not have awesome happy swingout music when you’re alone…There is, after all,  a place for music that makes you want to rest.

Alright – now I’m asleep!

Wishing and Not Wishing

More on wishing and unwishing…interesting to see how my views have evolved on this. I’ve been tingled by the caution against wishes…but just as wishing reveals greed, what happens when you have no wishes at all?  To go through life without effecting … is that really living? Just a bystander, one of the masses? To never create any ripples is surely the safest way to hurt no one,  but also you help no one.

In the end, are we not our own genies, our own wishing wells?  I believe in using all the tools at your disposal – or at least, considering them all.  Even the tools that are specialised as to be only useful in one specific case – I don’t believe in throwing those away, as they may yet have their day (like the cook in Under Siege…)

I’m still believing that in the end, all you do will end in chaos, and that the best you can do is avert disaster for now. And yet, I believe that you have to fight for the future,  you have to fight against all odds, you have to struggle even though there may be no hope – because even if the odds are against you, even if there is only the slimmest chance of success,  you have to aim for the win.

Of course, this is tempered by not forgetting the price you pay. Never forget what you have to give up – because there is always a price, and you must be prepared to pay it.  And the price is always more than you expect,  the consequences of your actions reaching farther, the effects spreading everywhere, ripples creating ripples…

So in the end – wish carefully, wish for the best, wish for what you can live with.

Sweating and Looks

A “motivational” poster saying “If you still look cute at the end of your workout you didn’t…Train Hard Enough” got me thinking. Actually, it also reminded me of the photo album by Sarah Goldberger of runners right outside a park (looking for those who looked like they just finished a run), and then having the same people coming back and posing again a week later in a photo studio.

Makes me realise how little I worry about sweat, actually.  I’ve had many follows apologise or warn me about sweat – running the gamut of a little sweat on the hands to damp clothing – and personally,  I’m usually at that point post shirt change and fully understanding, not to mention that my hand at this point has made contact with lots of my sweat and that of quite a few others.  But in addition to the non-squeamishness I have with sweat,  I don’t think post-dance their cuteness is at all affected.  Actually, after a good dance, we’d both be smiling so hard I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d rate them as cuter, at least in the heat of the moment (and therefore in my recollection).  Makes me wonder how the before/after pictures would look if you had smiling lindy hoppers after absolutely nailing a song – or really, “the look of success” like mountain climbers at the summit – and compared those post-exertion pictures with their “regular social persona”. Hmm….although pose/facial expression might factor a lot into how people look…

Which reminds me – there is definitely photographic evidence that I have some pretty weird faces while I’m dancing.  Which apparently are giveaways/tells/leads for some of my moves – looks like I have a “swingout face”

Dancing…Where? Who? What?

I wonder I like dancing best?  I know I love dancing in ballrooms, like my “usual” dance venue, the Legion – sometimes supported by the energy of an entire roomful of dancers, sometimes an entire wide space all to yourself,  the music filling the entire room.  I also love dancing out on the deck in Showboat – cool wind in my hair, the sun setting gently in the backdrop.  I love intimate little restaurants and bars, where the live music is right at your elbow.

I love it when I am swamped with dances, barely finishing one before diving back in for another – surprising dances people I’ve never met,  settling right in the groove with my comfortable friends.  I love dancing and watching those I know and respect,  learning and experimenting.  I love killing song after song with someone I know and trust, laughing off silliness, locking eyes with a smile and jumping right back in.

Today’s thought from the Universe says “Baby souls follow.  Young souls lead.  Old souls dance alone.”  I will dance alone if I must, but I love following, even if I am but a infant at it,  and I love learning how to lead.

There is a lot to love – and of course the flipside but I think this half of the glass is a lot more interesting!

Dance Elitism

Lindy snobbbery – part of my rails against this label, as I like to think of myself as inclusive, “I’ll try to understand everyone’s dance styles” and “I may love lindy hop but your dance has its merits too”.  I like to think that lindy is easy to get into,  via east coast swing and similar simple patterns, and that it’s very much easily danceable at many tempos, to many different kinds of music. There are definitely different styles and differing philosophies on how the dance works, but we seem to get along quite well. And it’s an easy to recognise “popular” dance style – or, perhaps more accurately, it was a popular dance style.

On the other hand, I secretly revel in the “elite” tag.  I like that it’s an uncommon dance style – that it’s the slightly out of mode partner dance rather than solo dance.  There’s a bit of showboating appeal,  as this often means being one of only a few dancers, especially if you’re dancing somewhere other than a usual dance event.  It appeals to the geek in me – just like the appreciation of  traditional jazz, vintage clothing and all things really from the bygone eras. I enjoy the “tweak your nose at the serious dancers because we’re out to Have Super Fun!” culture – I guess, a bit of contra-elitism.  Conversely, I consider it to not be an easy dance – there is a significant learning curve,  there are moves that are not easy (that the trademark swingout falls into this category is perhaps a plus in my eyes) and so in my mind the fact that you can be good, and you can be bad,  and there are ways to improve makes it very much a reflection of life and reality.

But for all the points of elitism,  partner dancing is inherently a social activity – especially with the swing dance culture of social dancing and not dancing all night with the same partner. And so I find most swing folks uncommonly friendly and uncommonly kind – really, a pretty awesome community overall.  If that sets the community apart – well, I can get on board with that as well.